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Sunday 18th April 2010 12:23:22 AM

Seems to be getting used to this kind of busy living style.

I tried to sqeeze every second to do something that could be meaningful to my life. Well at least those things that I've done could be contributed to the targets I would like to acheive.

But somehow I still need some fresh air, spending time with friends, on foolishness, on entertainment, on non-sense. I know I am turning to be more and more egoistic, sensitive and mean, when I spare my time with the one once I believed to be very valuable, I started to contemplate of how much value it deserved to hang around in such way.... I know this is an inevitable change, one has to grow up, be self-centered, be honest to own desire, but if I could have my choice, I never never wanted to turn like this

I love you, yes still I love you. You are all the best I have met of my life. Yes as I have contributed my past to you all, I would always hope to remain the same love until the end of my life. But I know, I am more and more demanding, I asked for reward once I have contributed, as I recognized the golden rule of Give and Take in the reality. I could no longer stand with the unlimited tolerance. But I still love you, from the bottom of my heart I still love you all. Just that this love has become more restrained and conditional, and I could hardly control this change.

That's the reason of my instability in mood. Urging for the caress of flesh because of the hunger and lackage of mental interaction. I know what I lack for long, but I could hardly get from anyone. That's why I am so insecure, and demand for more and more. Greed, I suppose it's my nature. So I suppressed, I silenced, I denied. But at the subconsciousness, I know there's things that I could hardly ignore. Yes, I love those once I have admitted them to enter my hearts. I know I could evade any of their existences.

And this is the new threshold in the coming days. I count my time day by day, waiting for a rebirth. I always hope that things will get brighter once the challenges and suffers are gone. And I still consist this hope until now. Optimistic, I try hard to be.

Busy yes I am kind of busy. Not that I mean to escape, but somehow I am busy. Anyone could take this as an excuse, but I believe that once you really desire, you won't have those barriers blocking you. I won't say it directly, I always hope time could solve us well.

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